Transitions

One of the many things I learned as a young private in Army basic training was that transitions can be difficult, even dangerous. While out marching in the backwoods of Fort Jackson, S.C., in two columns, our drill sergeants would harp on us to not bunch up. Their rationale: an anti personnel mine could maim or kill fewer people if soldiers weren't so close together.

Decades later, as a first-year teacher, l quickly learned the last 3 to 5 minutes of class were often when the most inappropriate horseplay would occur. Students would bunch up at the door, play fight, draw graffiti on the whiteboard, and vape and blow smoke into the their backpacks.

Recently, the unexpected end of a relationship has forced me into a life transition. My anxiety has skyrocketed as I ponder a life alone. My greatest fear is dying alone. So great is this fear that It manifests itself in a number of ways. I place my clean laundry on the other side of the bed, to give the illusion that there is another body occupying the empty space. I cook for several people, even though I only serve my son and myself. And I spend an inordinate amount of time online, making connections with people far and wide.

I believe loneliness is one of the great unaddressed issues of time, and it is one I am addressing in my work in progress.

I have made the decision to go to therapy. I've done what I can: focused on health and the relationships with family and close friends, but at this stage, I feel like I need extra help.

Please keep me in your thoughts as I focus on me for awhile.